I am officially the mother of a five year old. I'm not entirely sure how this happened since she was just a fuzzy red-headed baby in my arms but it's true, she is five. I know this because she has declared it to be true, many many times today. I'm coming to terms with it. Five. It's a big one. The biggest yet :)

So today marks five glorious years of life with Claire.  When I was pregnant with her, I remember sitting in her room, rocking in a chair and listening to Clair de lune on her sound machine because that's the sort of silly thing you do when you're pregnant with the first baby. I would try to picture her, the person she would be and if I'm being honest, I failed at it miserably. She is so much more than I ever could have imagined. I predicted a little bit of my personality, a little of her daddy's but nope, she is her own person...100%. In fact, I've never known anyone quite like her :) If you would have told me that I would have a fair skinned, curly haired, strawberry blonde, who is an artistic, dramatic, performer, I would have laughed. But she is all of those things and so much more. She is witty, adventurous, and bold. She has never met a stranger and if she were in charge of our social lives, we'd be having a "party" every night. Her brother is her best friend in the world (although I'm certain she doesn't realize it) and she treats him with so much love and kindness that it makes my heart soar on a daily basis. Above all else, she has a heart of absolute gold and that makes me more proud than any beautiful picture of her or any hilarious "thing Claire says" (although those are pretty great too). She is my dream come true, in every way.

Happy Birthday my lovely girl. We are so lucky to have you in our lives.

Since she informed me that she "wasn't feeling" her birthday photoshoot tonight, I'm sharing my favorites of her over the last year. Photoshoot to come :)

As promised, Holden's birthday photos.

Today he is two. As is, not one...at all. Not even a little bit.

Two years ago, I woke up from the fog of anesthesia and was handed a tiny, cherub faced baby boy. His birth was scary and sad. I was left feeling broken and confused. But then I was holding this boy. My boy. I took a deep breath, looked into his eyes, and the pain and fear of the day washed away. I was a mother of two. First a daughter, and now a son.

From that day forward, this boy with his sparkly eyes has brought joy, laughter and a deep love into our lives. He is confident and independent but still manages to spend a good chunk of his day snuggling up to one of his people. He makes his Hawes/Laymon genes known with a stubborn streak that I am still navigating and a hot little temper that I can't help but think is funny. There is no talking him into anything. Ever. Don't even bother. He continues to be completely obsessed with me and I'm secretly hoping that he never stops. In some ways, he is a total baby still but in other ways he completely throws us for a curve by potty training himself before two or suddenly counting to 7 out of nowhere. He melts everyone he meets with his giant eyes and ridiculous dimples. Oh and did I mention he's crazy handsome? Because, he is.

I love him fiercely and deeply and couldn't imagine our lives without him.

A two year shoot is in the works, so for now, I'm sharing my favorites from the last year.

Today, she's four.

Four years ago, at this moment, I was 27 hours into labor. I had hit a point of despair and although nobody in the room would say it, the likelihood that things were going to end up the way I had hoped, was starting to dwindle. I needed to escape, to focus on the positive. I tried to remind myself that I was going to see her soon. I tried to picture who she would be. And all I could see was eyes.

I labored. I fought. Late into the afternoon, she was here. My body exhausted, my heart overwhelmed. I held her close, wiped my tears and took her in. And all I could see was eyes.

I knew those eyes. They were my family's eyes. When her daddy was across the world and life was scary and uncertain, I would try to picture the life we would build when he came home. I pictured this life. I pictured those eyes.

Four years later and I know the girl behind those eyes. She is sensitive, gentle and kind but with a wild streak that makes life both exciting and exhausting. She is fearless, confident and bold. She has the most insightful and often, hilarious, things to say and quite frankly, she's possibly the most interesting person I know. Any time I try to predict her path, her interests, she reminds me that she is her own person. She is artistic, dramatic, and wears her heart on her sleeve. The people in her life are incredibly important to her and she loves them with reckless abandonment. She's taught me that living life with an open heart and vulnerability, is the only way to live. She brings joy into our lives on even our toughest days and I'm convinced that the most beautiful sight in the world is her standing at the top of the stairs each morning with her princess PJ's and wild hair.

She is more than I ever could have wished for.